it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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