haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
