He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
