I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
