i think my mom watched the whole time
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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