I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
