Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
