I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
