Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dignity is for republicans.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
