Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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