I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
