The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
