He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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