cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
