she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
