Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
