i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
