I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I deserve this hangover.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
