also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
