i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There r osticjed everywhere
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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