Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize