alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
