He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
