Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
