I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
When did we convert life to cartoon?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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