Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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