apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
