Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
