Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
