season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
