I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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