Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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