He told me they were just razor bumps!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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