oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
