Barsexuality is the new black.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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