Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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