i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
