There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
