allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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