So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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