hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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