1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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