Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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