please come you make the beer taste better
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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