remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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