We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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