shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
