You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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