Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
