I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
