As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Randomize
