last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize
