oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
