P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You pole danced in your parka.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
