'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
