my vag is so smooth its legendary
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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