Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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