you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
