i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
