is your mom at the bar?
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
