Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
