the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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