Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
