i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
