When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
