3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
