Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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