He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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