I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
