felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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