Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
