and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
