if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
