i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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