put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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