I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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