This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
