U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
